India

Part two: Mumbai

One of the joys of severe jetlag, besides 6PM bedtimes, are 4AM awakenings. As a result, we saw much of Mumbai before and during sunrise. No constant horn bleeps, no incessant flow of beetle-black fiats,

and nobody trying to sell you 5 foot diameter balloons (yes, I have NO idea why I look like I need one).

Approximately 15 million live in Bombay (Mumbai). It’s set to overtake Tokyo as the world’s most populous city in 2020. Unfortunately, an early morning walk in Bombay illuminates the plight of many of the working class. Streets were lined with figures sleeping in a row beneath blankets; sometimes at stretches 40-50 long. At first I assumed they were all jobless but as we continued our walk we saw them arise, wash up, get dressed and head off to work. Contrary to what I’m used to in the US, it seems that many of India’s homeless are employed.

There are plenty of beggars but they aren’t the middle to older aged men you see in the US; most of them are children or mothers with children. They are characterized by a much more aggressive begging style, tending to follow you for several blocks while tugging at your hand, shirt, and heartstrings. I can’t say I enjoyed seeing that.

Above are some shots of the buildings in Bombay, many of them blatantly English.

The Victoria Terminus has the distinction of attempting to incorporate every major architectural style in the last 3000 years into one building.

At the end of our walk, we were stopped by a talent scout. “Yea right” we laughed and brushed by, but this fella was insistent (not that any of them aren’t). It looked like he was looking for a couple pale faces to be extras in his latest Bollywood film. Finally, a chance to be a real Bollywood film star; an opportunity I had been seeking ever since I began mocking Indian movies (it’s been a while). I think I’ll do it right now.

If anybody hasn’t seen a proper Bollywood movie, I would not urge you rush out and see one. Knowing one plotline is enough since they are 97% similar. A poor boy one day sees a rich girl, he thinks she’s perfect in every respect but she doesn’t know he exists. Suddenly, they’re both seductively dancing together, a gyrating force 500 dancers strong whirling behind them in brilliant colors, fountains of water bursting from every corner. “Oh wow, it looks like they hit it off really quickly”. Nope, as soon as the gyrations stop, he’s poor again and she still has never met him. About an hour later they’ll lean in for the kiss, at which point the fourth or fifth music video comes back on, more gyrating dancers, water, wet saris, etc. Two and a half mind-numbing hours later, after she falls in love with him, it turns out that he’s really a rich prince. They dance again. The end.

Despite my love for Bollywood films, we declined the invitation.

We viewed a Bollywood film in an old fashioned theater, Eros, in downtown Bombay. After about 15 minutes I looked around to see 70% of our party asleep. Nope, not joking. Not even a good dance number could wake them. Fortunately, the intermission let us exit without disturbing the packed house. At least the tickets were only $0.50.